There was a point last week where I was ready to write a furious tantrum about how ridiculous the female species was and let loose upon them. It was a juncture which it seemed that the last good female friendship I had had fizzled was would turn into another act of life. I was proved wrong though.
I'm not sure exactly how I am with women, whether it be as friends or more but in the end nothing seemed to produce anything genuine. It was always a show where things would turn into nothing or a facade of friendship. Last week things seemed to be verging on that path for what was perhaps the last long standing female friend I've had.
The story itself is a long one but can be summarized in the following way. I'd been friends with Fish for the greater part of three years. Last month she got together with my best friend and while I was happy that they'd each have someone awesome, it changed things. I couldn't tell her some things anymore because it figured it'd be talked about between the two of them and then get turned into something ridiculous. I didn't want one opinion from two people on the matters of my life but their own individual takes and that wouldn't happen as long as things were they way they were. So we drifted apart turning things into the casual facade of friendship making lots of small talk.
Last week, things ended between the two mentioned parties and made for quite the predicament. McM and I have always shot straight so I knew where his head was at most of the time and thus it was easy to stay friends. On the other side of the coin though, I realy had no clue coupled to the fact that I was just tempted to let things stay a casual facade.
This is where women get their points back as I was challenged that night to be the man that she knew I was and that I think I am. Going backwards on the time scale, we had gone out that night with the Jitsu gang, gotten hammered and ended up back at my place. As the night rolled to a close, everyone was leaving and she was going to walk home to NOP land alone. That dosn't work for me, no matter who you are and thus I walked her home.
On the way I was confronted about whether things were alright (obviously that case was they weren't). This threw me off as it's usually me who puts the hard questions to people going for resolutions to problems (Score points here). So we got talking, about how things were and sourcing out why they were. Then we moved on to what to do about it. I was simply going in circles about what the altruistic thing to do was (put it behind us and move forward) but then comming backwards with a selfish answer (I was forgetten about). Then she did something I had totally ruled out from the abilities of the female gender.
She took my hand, told me she was human who makes mistakes but above that, she knew she loved me (as a friend). Here she got more points but then proceeded to line up for the home run shot. As hard as it was for her, she told me, after saying the former, that she couldn't stop me from walking out the door and not speaking to her again. At this point, time stood still and my cycle shattered. I couldn't bring myself to even think about stepping away from someone who I'd grown with for so long. (Score home run). She showed faith in me and in her heart, knew that I was above petty thoughts and actions and after about five minutes I gave her a hug and put this shit behind us.
I gave up on believing in her but she never lost faith in me. I missed the ball on this one but she never once stuck it to me for this. It would have definately been easy to 'be a girl' and just be as ridiculous as I was. But she wasn't.
At this point I'm still looking for the words to put this all in context. In the end all I can come up with is that there's a girl out there with the biggest heart in the world and it was so full of compassion, forgiveness, warmth and love that she could overide me being a goof. I feel pretty lucky right now is about all I can realy say.
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