Don't know when to say stop

And so today, I finally find myself on the cusp of rest. Rest that I have much needed for a long time now but have been unable to attain due to my desire to never 'lie in our graves' wondering if I had spent my living days well. I was suppose to have taken May off to mentally relax but that never happened. There was a spot at May's conclusion where I had about a week and a half off but found myself mentally occupied with sorting myself financially for the year and incorporating travel plans into that in regards to martial arts training for myself. Then came the week that I traveled home and didn't really sit down much in favour of either training or touching base with estranged faces. Upon my return to Van City, I worked a pretty grueling schedule paired a Calgary trip that has left me quite tuckered.

And so now, one month later, I sit doing absolutely nothing (well still doing stuff, but mostly nothing) and being okay with that as the batteries need a good recharging. Nothing also allows me to hold back financially as I've been working a little/lot ahead of my means and so now I can plan on how I'm going to pay for the things I do.

Sometimes I wish I had just %10 more stamina as that would have made all of this much much easier. At least I can say I lived when I'm alive and its now or never.

Home

This past week, I was fortunate enough to have another return visit to Ontario. Overall I had a fantastic time and managed to touch base with a lot of family and old friends. It was one of those trips that your sad to see end because you're having such a good time but had to end at some point. In regards to this, my Mom had asked me a day or two earlier if I was going to be sad when I left home. To this, I replied that I was but the thing was that I was going from one home to another. It was at this juncture that I realized that I had a couple places that I could really call home. There was Brampton home where I'd been born and raised. Then there was K-town where I made some of my closest friends and matured as a Jitsuka. And now there was Vancouver where I'd paved my own path and carved a niche of my own. They were all places where I could set my head, find familiar faces, get a bite to eat and rest my head to sleep with comfort. Real comfort though. The type that resonates in your body when that part of your brain knows its safe and warm.

It's not too often that, we as individuals find a comfort like this in even one location much less more than one. Just one more thing I suppose that I consider myself fortunate for having.

P.S. I just got a new tattoo. Also, I only have four minutes to save the world.

The itinerary for the trip home

This week T-Bone 1.5 returns home to re-visit his roots. The plans so far go as such. Looking forward to seeing everyone.

Trip Home:
Saturday:
Sunday: (Mother's Day) Helping Mom
Monday: Religious Function with Mom; Possible TO training?
Tuesday: Dinner with Nadine and Family
Wednesday: Visit Raesh and Co
Thursday: Dinner with Sally
Friday: Training with Alex Fairweather
Saturday: Hangout with MK and Mosie
Sunday: Back to Van 5pm

Xsist to Inspire

In recent days, I've entered a centre of philisophical thought in regards to what my role is as martial arts instructor and moreover how my stature on the mats relates to them. It's stemmed from a discussion I had about moving onwards and evolving in the structure of our martial arts forum. In starting a club, I'd never realy though so much about my own stature in relation to them so long as they were learning from me as an instructor. But through this discussion and the comtemplation of it afterwards, I realized that I was giving it thorough thought not only because of its nature but also because of who was saying it. Ultimately it was because of said individual's commanded respect that each statement had emphasis and brought about the realization that the quality of what I teach is made more credible if I evolve as a martial artist myself.

The time has come to evolve, transform and transcend.

Truly Awesome

Earth Hour + Settlers = The most romantic game of settlers ever

Get ready

T-Bone is now officially slated to return to ON in May from the 10th to the 17th. Looking forward to seeing all of you ON folk.

'After all these years and miles and memories'

On most b-days, I usually take a moment to reflect on how lucky I've been at every juncture in my life to have lived as full a life as I have. With that being the case, in this 27th B-day post, I'm going to do something a little different and typical. The following lyrics are from 'Just Older' by Bon Jovi and to say that I've felt almost every lyric today would be an understatement. The feeling behind this song resumes the exact place in my life where I find myself and I couldn't be happier about it.

Hey, man, its been a while
Do you remember me?
When I hit the streets I was 17
A little wild, a little green
Ive been up and down and in between
After all these years
Can you believe Im still chasing that dream
But I aint looking over my shoulder

Chorus:
I like the bed Im sleeping in
Its just like me, its broken in
Its not old -- just older
Like a favorite pair of torn blue jeans
This skin Im in its alright with me
Its not old -- just older

Its good to see your face
You aint no worse for wear
Breathing that california air
When we took on the world
When we were young and brave
We got secrets that well take to the grave
And were standing here shoulder to shoulder

Chorus:
I like the bed Im sleeping in
Its just like me, its broken in
Its not old -- just older
Like a favorite pair of torn blue jeans
This skin Im in its alright with me
Its not old -- just older

Im not old enough to sing the blues
But I wore the holes in the soles of these shoes
You can roll the dice til they call your bluff
But you cant win until youre not afraid to lose

Solo

Well, I look in the mirror
I dont hate what I see
Theres a few more lines staring back at me
The nights have grown a little colder
Hey man, I gotta run
Now you take care
If you see coach t. tell him I cut my hair
Its been all these years
Can you believe Im still chasing dreams
But I aint looking over my shoulder

Chorus:
I like the bed Im sleeping in
Its just like me, its broken in
Its not old -- just older
Like a favorite pair of torn blue jeans
This skin Im in its alright with me
It s not old -- just older

Evolution

I talk about myself a lot. This is nothing new. Most people do. One of the things that I often lack in most of my self indulgent stories is a visual reference that reflects the time period as it usually has some bearing on my personality at the time. Today, I remedied that and present for my small cadre of readers, 'Evolution of the Bone'.

Out of curiousity

Everyone's noticed the Haks and I appreciate all the comments and well wishes but, has anyone noticed that I have a beard and that it is spectacular?

A report from out west

Well, it has been a while since I've posted but here we are once again for another update. Last week was a complete and utter whirlwind between work/the new club/getting ready for the Thumper visit. I will attempt to address each as best I can.

Work - Work sucks. Most days were average but Monday was especially terrible. I was pulled from one of the nicer working areas with newer equipment to do x-rays of a decomposing corpse which was so decayed that it was green. On the plus side of things though, I was able to selfishly use the computers at work to do some of the paper work associated with the new club.

The new Club - Tuesday had to be one of the days I was the most excited and scared about. Naturally I was ecstatic about finally starting a club in BC but that residing fear of no one showing up and everything turning into a flop was also very prevalent. This was compounded by an e-mail on Monday stating that as of the writing time, there were only four individuals registered. Initially I was put off by this but figured that people would still show up for the 'trial sessions' I'd unofficially organized. And thankfully that's exactly what happened. My first sessions saw nine, enthusiastic energetic novices on the mats who were eating up everything that I was giving them. Thursday saw the same number and numbers have since gone up to 10 paid members as of Thumper's Tuesday sessions visit. Speaking of which...

Thumper's Visit - Without missing a beat, Thumper and I picked up where I'd left of when I left ON back in Oct of 06. There was our usual brand of bad comedy, a copious consumption of delicious foods from around the city and the usual fun of training on the mats. I could go on in boring detail but the following two pictures tell the story better than words could.






















These past two weeks have been some of the most rewarding experiences of my life having seen many of my long term dreams come true. Long ago as a purple, I thought to myself that it would be an honour to stand beside Thumper as both his student and a Sensei to others and this week I had that honour. I've also found myself riding the cusp of my dream of moving to Vancouver and starting a Jitsu club. There are moments where I catch myself even wondering if this is actually happening and whether I'm about to wake up from the dream. That hasn't happened yet though and until I do, I'm going to savour every last moment of this new ride.

On a disappointing last note, whoever decided to be so classy and leaving the anonymous comment of " I think you are still a self centred waste of time thats going nowhere", grow up. Not only does it reek of immaturity that one hides behind the veil of the internet to fling feces like a monkey, but its also petty and lacks any form of dignity. If you really have a problem with me (not that anyone should as its been more than half a year since I've had any real significant battle with anyone), take it up with me in the real world live civilized individuals do.

A few more doctrines

A while back, while having to deal with the backward folks of Cornwall, I had a post about some values which dominate the majority of my actions. Over the past few days, the following two themes have been on my mind and are new doctrines which I would like to add to the book of Zout.

The stupidity of 'Just joking'
Since I've been a child and as long as I can remember, people have always used this term as it was an absolution of any prior statements and actions that might have just occurred. What I've never been able to understand is why people have never understood that, instead of back tracking to try and cover there actions with such a lame statement, they should have just been smart enough to have never followed the path of the unwise action in the first place. Moreover, it also seems ridiculous to me that some would use such a whimsical statement to cover their track than a heart felt explanation and apology. The latter are the things I appreciate from people and don't think its far fetched to say that most others would sympathize with that sentiment.

Every action should have a net positive effect
A man who I respect dearly once wrote that you should always look to find a method to better any situation you're in as the net effect is bringing about a better outcome for any party involved in the situation. If one dictates their actions accordingly, there should never be a situation where you have to cover your tracks with 'just joking' as action to better should have been the initial though and the followed thought.
While the reality of such a thought can be far fetched depending on the nature of the situation, it does more good to start from this school of thought and follow from that than to just start with nothing and to question what you can do. If one is seeking the best possible outcome for anything, it is beneficial to work from the top down.

Please and Thank You Can Never be used enough
Enough said.

A costly vice

Over the past year, after establishing some financial stability for myself after my move, I have developed a vice that has taken its tole on my wallet. This vice is my somewhat ridiculous lust for technology. It all began back in Dec of 06 when I wanted my first big purchase to be a flat screen TV. The decision was self vetoed by my more logical side as at the time we had no furniture and decided that that would be a better purchase. Throughout that portion of time though, the lust stayed strong.

In March of this year, I bought myself a new desktop PC. For about a month I budgeted a good system for a reasonable price. The total price in the end was nothing that would break the bank and overall was a well founded purchase. However, at the last minute, I decided I wanted a flat screen monitor to take advantage of the DVI card that I'd bought and the budget went out the window.

Around Mid-summer, I decided I needed a new phone even though the phone I was using worked fine. After some phone lobbying, I purchased myself the KRZR from Rogers even though I didn't really need a new phone.

From then to December I was pretty good in terms of keeping this beast quiet. Then came boxing day sales and the roar of desire for that flat screen TV I'd wanted the previous year. Now since it had been a year, I figured I'd break a little and get the TV. The 32" LG that I bought was a good buy for the price I paid in the end so it didn't hurt too much. The laptop that found its way into my cart wasn't a super smart move though. It wasn't a super necessity, but moreover just a lustful purchase.

So why a confession now? Well with all the HDMI and audio features of the new TV, I find myself looking at Home Theater systems... Home theater systems which I don't need but would like to have. There's also the PS3 that plays Blu-Ray discs idea that is lurking in my head. And with all that sitting in my head, I'd like someone to tell me that spending all this money at once would be foolish and that saving money would be the wiser choice. Then after they say it, keep saying it so that eventually it processes in my wee little materialistic brain.

I suppose its better than a drug or booze addiction as there is something of value left over time but that's not a full justification for this technology addiction.

Looks like its time to channel some will power to stop this.

Some day I'll be bigger than my body gives me credit for

This past Wednesday, a lot of the details surrounding the first Vancouver Jiu Jitsu club were put onto paper and thus the club as an existing entity became more official. At the point when this happened I was ecstatic but beyond that I felt as though a barrier into a whole new world of social maturation had disappeared. Its a growth area that I've always been aware of and is one of the reasons that I made the big jump when I did. There were points last year when I saw all of this fading away and me being left with half the dream of it coming true. Now that's its actually going to unfold it justifies all the persistence and sweat along with the despair that brought me to this point. Getting here has been a small victory and the first step in this new stage of growing. I'm very much looking forward to the rest of this journey and the man I'll encounter at each step of the way.

That and making more ridiculous videos.

A new set of resolutions

With the various dialogs that run through my head these days it occurs to me that this blog might actually stay going in a self introspective manner. This past week I've been contemplating what my new resolutions might be with me actually being successful at most of the resolutions last year. This is what I've come up with:

1) In the last four months, in a realization that Jitsu Van was going to take off, I began to train pretty intensely so I wasn't a fat slob on the mats. During that time I went from 192 to 172 and my stamina increased quite significantly. This year, I'm hoping to get myself down to 165 as that seems to be a healthy weight for my size.

2) Jitsu Van is about to take off in a few weeks. While I'm sure I'm going to have a rockin good time with all that will come with it, I'd like to make it a point to step back every so often and just soak it all in. (Hopefully at such points, they'll be other instructors to teach such as to avoid strange silences)

3) This past year was good to me. On the inside I dezoned karma wise and just found a neutrality that hadn't been there for a while. On new year's though I realized that it would have been nice to have a counter part to share a New Year's kiss with. Thus, this year, I'm setting my sights on positioning myself to get a New Year's kiss.

It shouldn't be too hard to find success when it comes to these three things as they're pretty simple in nature. Time will tell though.