The dream has just about faded away...

Thanks in part to a very in depth conversation with J-Bun this morning, I have found the things inside of me necessary to move away from an inner conflict that has plagued me for some time now and shift back to reality.

I never reconed myself as someone who would hold legitimate hate for anyone because I'd like to think I walk on the brighter side of the tracks. So when it eventually found me I was at a loss of what to do with it. But just like anything in life, it just needed to be sourced out for the root of what had stemmed it to rid myself of it.

And eventually, after some prying into dark corners of the soul I didn't know existed, I found the answer which I've needed for a while. It wasn't an easy thing to grasp but in essence it boiled down to the fact that two differing value systems were clashing and in a time where I would have laid down and died for another, they in turn were never willing to return that type of trust and/or faith.

I don't ask much of my friends other than that they are willing to show the same faith and conviction in me that I give to them and when that didn't happen, my system short circuited. So, now it's time to just remove the weak line and move on. They're are too many other important people out there who have given me their time for me to just ignore them while waiting for the link to fix itself.

And so now the dream dies and I move on looking out for a guy who's more important and needs a little mending. It's funny because I feel exactly like Obi-Wan Kenobi fighting Anakin acknowledging his failures and leaving with:

"You were my brother Anakin, I loved you."

Except, change brother to sister and that's where I am. But people change and it's time that I recognized that.

[Aside: My goal here is not to slander certain people in this blog entry. I only mean to acknowledge to those that care, why I've been at a lose for a little while instead of pretending nothing bothers me.]